Out of the Woods

Watched ‘Into the Woods’ this week.  First viewing lasted roughly 15 minutes and left me wondering what the heck I was watching, as every fairytale character burst routinely into tuneless song;  barely any dialogue, just all singing, like somebody decided to do a downgraded, Disneyfied version of that curious genre known as Opera – and I can’t stand Opera.

Second viewing lasted almost 30 minutes and then the singing started to get to me, and the millions of rhyming couplets started getting to me.  Where I have heard this kind of thing before, I was thinking, when suddenly Stephen Sondheim came to mind. Haven’t heard anything by Sondheim for years, not since watching West Side Story 38 years ago and later A Little Night Music.  He’s a proper wordsmith is Sondheim (now 85 years old and still going strong) and is more famous amongst theatre folk (I don’t go to the theatre much, well at all really) so thanks must go to Disney for giving us the big screen version of  ‘Into the Woods’,  an eighties’ Sondheim stage show I’d never heard of –  because it just grew and grew on me.

I made it all the way through the third viewing and I’m glad I did, or I would have missed the sight of Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) SINGING (yes, Captain Kirk can sing) in the middle of a stream and dramatically ripping his princely shirt open.

I’m poorly as I write this, seemingly a second bout of the flu – just 6 months after the last one – languishing on the settee, blog writing, wondering how long this nasty virus is going to last……11 days and counting.

And now I’ve got something worse than a cold or the flu – I’ve got Stephen Sondheim-itis.   I’m singing everything inside my head and talking in rhyme.  I just can’t help it.

FOR YOU SEE……………..

I have a sore throat……………my throat is very sore
I don’t mean to whinge on, I don’t mean to be a bore
but my throat is VERY SORE

I’ve tried Beechams,  Strepsils,  lemon and honey
Gargling and steaming – but my nose is still runny
And it’s not very funny

I’ve got SI-NU-SITIS………….. my face really hurts
And whatever I take……………..it doesn’t really work

Oh, will I ever be out of the woods?

And the sore throat cuts  –   it cuts like a knife
And it wakes me up in the middle of the night
And I cough and I splutter
And I moan and I mutter

‘Cos I have a sore throat (did I say my throat is sore?)
And I cough and wheeze,  like I’ve never done before
And my husband says that it’s making me snore
And he just can’t sleep……………..anymore

Oh, will I ever be out of the woods?

The common cold lasts for five to seven days
So the internet, medical experts say
So why won’t mine……… go away?

HEY!  will I ever be……..

Out of the woods
my voice not hoarse
Out of the woods
not coughing of course
Out of the woods
without all this sneezing
Out of the woods
minus eyeballs streaming?

The internet says……….. any white spots on my throat?
The internet says………………..do I need to wear a coat?
The internet says……is my temperature one hundred and three?
The internet says………………………..am I still able to breathe?

PLEASE!   Will I ever be…..

Out of the woods
and not so tired
Out of the woods
feeling far less ‘wired’
Out of the woods
and out of this old sweater
Out of the woods
and feeling so much BETTER!


Note to self:  must stop watching ‘Into the Woods


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