I’m stuck on quest level 102. I’ve been stuck on level 102 for seven days (yes, I’m counting.) Quests are for those of us who refuse to play via Facebook – Facebook and Me; now that’s a whole other story. No way am I going to abjectly beg for lives, and wait anxiously for a reply from the Facebook ether. But, Level 102 I hear you cry – Man-up woman! Wait until you reach level 9 squillion and 43.

I suspected things had taken a turn for the worse when the sinister creeping chocolate appeared, and then the deceptively sweet meringue but, no, things have become desperate since the arrival of the TIME BOMB. I hear its ominous ticking in my head (like the approaching crocodile in Peter Pan) even before it actually starts ticking.

Just a few months ago I was a Candy Crush virgin; a novice, an initiate about to be welcomed into King.com’s sweet gaming apps world. I remember those pre-Candy Crush days with fondness (I’ll pause here to gaze wistfully into the distance.) Days when delicious, sweet and tasty referred only to my favourite foods. Days when flying fish (still don’t get the flying fish) meant that my channel surfing had landed on Discovery. Days when a crush (I’m old school) was something you got on your favourite movie star. Those days are gone.

Now I’m a CC junkie, a sweet-toothed addict, out for the next sugar crush high. Waiting for those multi-coloured fish to fly, knowing that only 3 stars will satisfy the craving. I go to sleep with visions of dancing candy before my eyes, and dream I’m following the candy yellow brick road. And those clever software engineers at King.com? They craftily fill your world with primary colours, and reward you with positive feedback via the invisible, almighty Candy Crush King, as you smash those lined up sweets into crunching oblivion.

Well, here I am, stuck again. I’ve used my 5 lives (even cats get 9), and have 30 minutes to kill until the next life appears. Level 102 involves meringues, liquorice, time bombs, an impossibly high score and very few moves; and it’s currently laughing right in my face. A coloured bomb appears and feels like a gift from on high, but goes on to do sweet FA. I match up four candies to get a striped one, and even mix two striped ones together, and still NOTHING. But I know how those devilish minds work at King.com. I’ll keep on playing, and I’ll keep on waiting for those precious lives, then suddenly there’ll be coloured bombs all over the place, and those stripey humbug things will pop up from nowhere, and I’ll have cleared the board in 3 moves, with no idea how I did it. But who cares, the Pavlovian reward system and I will be close friends, I’ll be savouring the taste of victory and……….hang on a second, my 30 minutes are up.